I just sat up in my bed on the note application on my phone. and wrote the saddest poem I've ever written. I think it might have been beautiful. when it was finished I read it over and I cried. I cried pretty good. it was titled "When I don't Exist" I accidentally deleted it. Really makes me wonder if anyone else would have cried reading it. I may attempt to rewrite it. maybe its better left unshared.
Can't help but wonder though. Could it have changed the minds of anyone? Would it make anyone think differently about anything? Would it save lives? probably not. but one likes to think that he can make a difference in someones life.

I love you
Andy

Crash

You crash too much
Just like the time your smile
Collided with my eyes
An image exquisitly splatter painted on the canvas of my memory
A masterpiece in my mind
That I can only use words to describe
are my words enough to paint pictures?
With grace you rode by beaming
Mass street never looked so sweet
Weak in the knees with jello mold feet
My brain starts to work overtime
Treading an ocean of thought waves began to swell
Crashing on the shores of my perception
Leaving patterns in the sand of my understanding
Distance may have changed the tides
Disconnection is like a drought
Memories wilt and wither longing to be hydrated
Your voice is like a steady rain
That brings a refreshing sensation to my brain
Your smile was like a seed planted in my thoughts
Watered by your voice and nourished by your words
You were a farmer before canada opened its doors
My smile is organic and it sprouted from Yours

My Mom insisted on me being Literate

I was just sitting here..Got out this notebook my dad salvaged from the trash years ago. it was a notebook that my mother kept from december of 1993 to march of 1997 but it isnt complete. She wrote down thoughts and quotes in it. Specifically things I said. I wish it was full so I could spend more than 10 minutes reading it before finishing it. There are a couple of pages of star wars quotes in there..My mother was a fan. Not as big as I was..she was part trekkie and a traitor. but thats okay. I love my mother. anyway as I was sitting here just reading the quotes from star wars I came across a quote that is familiar to me and I remember misquoting when I was a lad.

The actual quote
Darth vader to Luke Skywalker : "Join me and together we can rule the Galaxy as Father and Son"
My quote : "Join me and together we can rule the galaxy as far from the sun"

I found it quite amusing. But thats the way I heard it. When you are 8 and you hear James Earl Jones say those exact words..thats what you hear.
I sat there with my face in my hands chuckling at the misquote. and I just started to cry.

August 11th 1994. exactly 1 month before I turned 5 years old..that would be almost 15 years ago.
I am taking a bath listening to my mother read to me. My mom could always get me to take a bath by telling me she would read star wars books to me..I was 4 and loved star wars so hearing awesome stories from grown up books was apealing. I still have all the star wars books we had..well most of them. anyway back to the story. I am in the bath..listening to awesome star wars stories and my big brother Hugh would always come in and sit and listen as well. when I say to my brother.
"I'll give you 26 million dollars if you smell my bum" I was 4 years old.. Almost 5
Pretty funny huh?

May 1997. I read a billboard as we are driving through Kansas City that is about St Lukes. I told my mother who was at the time a devout Athiest and was raising me up as one as well that I was going to be a Saint. From what I read in this notebook she explained to me that Saints couldnt get married. I told her that I would never get married. and that I was going to be a saint. She wrote below my words "Saints cannot have children" My Mom wanted me to have kids.
Funny thing. I became a Saint. and so did She.

I wish I had more of my mothers writings.
I can't even imagine the things we would talk about if she were still around today.
I miss her..no doubt about that.

I guess that is all I wanted to write about today.

I love you
Andy

07/10/2009

Almost 3 am.. About to record a thought track. Just wanting to get some stuff out and recorded for any who are interested to listen to. Just thoughts. Not really forcing anyone to listen to them..If you want to know what I am thinking about then head on over and check out the first track. should be sweet.

Ive been pretty brain dead lately creatively speaking of course..haven't really written any poems since newb sausage and I am not even sure I can share that with you guys. not that anyone really reads this..unless they stumble upon it from my myspace.. which only has about 30 friends..gotta start small you know.

Holy crap..Just got distracted in looking for bands that need a vocalist..found 4 decent sounding bands that need a vocalist..One of those bands is As Blood Runs Black..wow..if I was in that band I'd be set..I guess. I dunno last time I saw them was on animosity's brutalitour 2007. They haven't released a cd since then but the new stuff sounds sick..prolly not a good move to try for them. I'll pass.

anyway..gotta get to recording
check it out
myspace.com/andykc

Having 2 blogs is a handful.

Really is.

Plans-
Meeting up with a friend of mine about recording. He agreed to help out with the whole process which is awesome. I'm looking forward to working with someone else to get some feedback. He is currently not feeling well but that meeting will be soon.

Remember what Love is?

A breaking in spirit, a breaking in promise, a breaking in me
how can i find the peace inside me, in a world i can see....
thats taking and taking all for ourselves, taking and taking
and its dragging me down, deeper and deeper
watch me sink like a stone
in a sea of selfishness,
where me is more and you is less

the vanity, it becomes insanity.
we eat the shit that's fed to us.
we stomach it, and we embellish it,
and we confuse our love with lust.
cant we find another way?
the way that goes against the grain.
Abstain, The Grain.
abstain, abstain, abstain, abstain
THE GRAIN

the ugliness, licentiousness,
the love that is just skin deep
PLEASE GET ME OUT
before i become just a memory of what i used to be
GET ME THE FUCK OUT

we're deaf and blind to a age's cry
we refuse to fucking hear.
not learning to grow, just losing the one
i used to see in the fucking mirror

the egoists, the narcissists
the shallow waters wade in
PLEASE GET ME OUT

before i become just a memory
of what i used to be
GET ME THE FUCK OUT

"of a world thats doing its best, night and day,
to make me everybody else" -e.e. cummings

please take me out...
of a world without any heart
take me out
when they see my hope and rip it apart
take me out
of a world we built to serve our selfish-fucking-selves,
can you tell me
where does love fit in?

remember what love is?

Watch me sink- Have Heart